I realized how much I knew Love when I left you

I always feel my way through things; life and Love is no exception. 


My feelings can be so dense yet so buoyant.  It is also profound yet so trivial that I am in awe knowing that the scope of my feeling is multi-dimensional yet so one-sided.  This emotional turbulence has circumcised the vision I have of myself; such a distorted view that I can barely relate to who I am and others.  You know they say that in order to know Love you must learn it; and in order to be in love, it must be in you.  I’m afraid that I have consistently viewed love through the lens of insecurities, failure and conceit.

Instead of practicing humility and modesty I have invested a lifetime filled with overconfidence and egotism.  Claiming to have already learnt that which should be taught, I function on matters of emulation.  Never would have imagined me being a copycat because I was well aware that any acts of dishonesty expose feelings of inaptitude.  No one wants to be identified with powerlessness and hopelessness so we work effortlessly to conceal the illegitimacies of life.

Failure in Love is never an option because if you have a hard time finding it, somehow it has a way of finding you.  It seems like an inevitable ordeal yet it is so avoidable.  Despite our upbringings, we aim to get it right, without any apologies; and we all say “I Love Yous.”  Love is a wonderful predicament that we all seek even if it means displaying all our anxieties.  Being an emotional wreck brings up many uncertainties that will either make you up or break you down.

Flawed with timidities I never put on a frown but my insecurities always skyrocket when I feel threatened to share my heart.  I feel like no one was ever good enough to get inside me so I put up a wall that is used as the perfect armor and shield.  I also filed a list of offences that will be my guide and have devised means of punishment when the lines have been crossed.  With no thought to the feelings for others, I ramped vivaciously with hopes of not being discovered. My hope is to somehow stop this selfish rant and begin to realize that I have never known Love the way I should.  Love is patient, it is also kind, it never seeks to destroy and neither does it drive people apart.  Unfortunately, I practiced neither and finally realized how much I knew Love when I left you.