The Epitome of being a "T.O.W."

An affair is an unhealthy union built on a ‘high’ between two people who totally ignore moral codes and ethics that preserve the spirit of honesty and loyalty.  Cheating is not a new venture and neither is it a fulfilling act but people are always drawn to commit themselves to deceit that only leaves scars of guilt, shame and hurt.  Is it only me or is everyone in agreement that cheating has gained so much popularity and attention that inadvertently it’s no surprise why we see so many failing relationships and marriages today?

  This is by no means anything positive or commendable so why is it so media centered?  Why can’t it be ignored and dealt with in private?  Does this say something about our culture and what we stand for?  More astonishingly, I just want to direct some attention to certain aspects of extramarital affairs and the people involved.  First I will point out the dynamics surrounding the female counterpart and the negative connotations that are used to describe her whilst her male counterpart receives mechanical connections as if 9 out of 10 times, he’s not the leading one pursuing this irreverent, unhealthy connection.  Here are the four criterions to being the other woman:

HIGH (DOPE-BRAINED)-full of excitement.  The Affair is fueled on a high that is so intoxicated that it feels like dynamite explosion with every sexual encounter leaving both parties feeling like they have never had anyone or anything that great before.  Now who are we kidding here?  Sex is sex in all physical sense but when chemicals infiltrate the brain and unleash lust that’s where the high takes effect and have everyone blown away and weakened in the knees.  Many believe that affairs are fueled by sex but it’s actually a void yearning to be filled that will urge one to seek the company of another.  However, there can be an exception depending on the variations in choice of partners.

VARIATIONS-whether it is a babysitter (younger girl), prostitute (conducting her biz), or the ‘good girl’ seeking some validation, they all have their own motives while the man has certain set expectations and vice versa.  In other words, a married man pursues his child’s teenage babysitter whilst going through some mid-life crisis or because he discovered some gray hairs on parts of his body that he would not dream was possible. He will also seek the attention of a prostitute who will always know how to take care of him without him ever having to beg or feel rejected by his overly exhausted wife when the need arise.  Or lastly, he senses the vulnerabilities and naïve traits in the good girl that he couldn’t help himself but to work his way in between her legs with hopes of dominating her. 

On the other hand, these women have their own motives which are more than often based on monetary benefits, security and a sense of purpose.  Some women feel SUPERIOR-knowing everything about the wife whilst she doesn’t know about her align the other woman to fit into a position that makes her feel superior to someone.  The other woman knows who is #1, leading or first lady so that feeling of superiority counteracts her feelings of low self-esteem and worth.  Some may even go as far as competing with the wife to playfully steal him away with nothing long-term or tangible to offer; even if things would work in her favor and/or turn to fulltime status.  The other woman is well aware of his acts of dishonesty that she will not risk being in the position where she will spend the rest of her life with a man that onset trust issues.

TRUSTWORTHINESS-men choose to display honesty about everything with the other woman to keep her while betraying and deciving his spouse.  He convinced himself that he is so trustworthy while also proving to himself of being the greatest liar of all.  We all know there is no winning in cheating and certainly no gain.  Pain is certain and quite often than one can imagine, cheating spouses who gets haunted by ‘real guilt’ will STOP but for others it’s an ongoing quest to quench the fiery dart of shame, guilt, disappointment and hurt that they not only inflict on themselves but also unto their loving family and young, innocent children.

Despite the many judging issues surrounding extramarital affairs there is something daunting about the way we have creatively devised names of partiality when referring to a cheating man vs. a cheating woman.  This subject is so one-sided like everything else that portrays prejudice and inequity.  First a cheating man is dubbed these popular terms Joe, Joe grind, gardener, plumber, player, which all syndicate some kind of rationale.  It’s almost as if his alias has some professional interpretation, showing off his masculinity and an open declaration of what he does because those terms are very detracting.  Meanwhile, female cheaters are called adulteress, jezebel, mistress, the other woman, side chic, trick etc., which all have negative connotation.  These names outrightly suggest inferiority, secondary in nature, lacking esteem or importance.