Can we just have a clean 'Break?'

We all know what men want and need but what does it really take to keep one? Why can’t he find it all in one woman?  Or maybe it’s not even about us.  This whole relationship game is so twisted and profound that it’s just a waste to even try to figure out why they don’t work.  The best thing anyone can do is to learn from the experience and move on.

  Sure it’s much easier said than done because moving on is never an easy task.  Instead of focusing all your attention on your ex, try to find your value and worth; don’t get distracted when you see that your ex has moved on very quickly.  We all know about rebounds and any person who always opt for rebounds only prove that they are not willing to change because they have to first realize that they are a problem to seek change.  They also tend to get lucky to always find someone with similar interests and shared values very easily; it has nothing to do with you or how much you may feel that you suck in the relationship (no pun intended). 

Being able to identify your needs and being fully aware of your values should mean a lot to you and enough for you to hold onto the memories.  Despite the heartfelt pain and dark emotions that you will have to face and overcome, you have to remind yourself that grieving is normal and the healthiest thing to do. You don’t just want someone to be there for you; preventing you from having to face the reality of the breakup.  You really need to have some self-respect as well as respect for the relationship whether or not your ex is responding in a like manner.

There is no coincidence and express connection when establishing a relationship so you know that if your ex has moved on before you can actually come to terms with the breakup then he was consummating that new relationship while you two were together.  This is called ‘Cheating’ if you ask me but why cheat to bridge your way to a breakup?  Why is it so hard to have a clean break?  No doubt it would have been an easier transition if you both grieved together but seeing them with someone does leave you feeling there is no hope at all in working things out.  You may also feel like this new prospect is better or good enough but in reality your ex is the one who is a fraud; too weak to be warped up in feelings of failure and guilt so instead he is willing to hide out in a new relationship.

Moreover, their new partner is totally unaware of his clever scheme; too clouded in the mind and enjoying the honeymoon phase too much to see that the same fate lies in wait for them as soon as this hunk gets tired of his new surroundings and the thrill of this ‘newness’ slowly dwindles. Like my grandmother always say, “the same stick that hit the black snake is sure gonna hit the yellow one.”  It is not wise to trust an individual who cheated on their former partner to be with you because chances are they’ll do the same to you.

I don’t want to be misunderstood because it’s natural for people to experience a change of heart but that is not equivalent to bailing on your spouse when things go wrong in the relationship or there’s a refusal to deal with the feelings involved in the evolution of a relationship.  In other words, the fear of being alone and not taking responsibility for one’s action in the breakdown of their relationship is no excuse or no means to go fetch someone new to avoid the outcome all together.  As a result it’s no surprise when they frequent parties, gyms, social networks (Facebook, Whats App etc.) reigniting communication with their ex/exes; recruiting new friends; who will all play confidants in sharing all their problems, being a shoulder to cry on just to initiate the process of who is the next option in line, ready to be used when the inevitable happens.