What he/she doesnt know won't hurt?

The internet and all forms of social media contribute to the demise of relationships.  In this era of “what he/she doesn’t know won’t hurt,” I think that makes social media a breeding ground for lies, deception and hurt.  There was a time when we deal with our issues, happiness, work, related wins and losses with our partners but that doesn’t matter anymore does it?  Our lines of communication are not focused anymore, they are helter skelter.

Before we get started lets define some key words here: Lies- something intended or serving to convey a false impression; deception- of a person is causing someone to believe something that is not true, typically in order to gain some personal advantage.  Let’s also use the word deception in a sentence- "The con man was skilled at deception, using it to deprive his victims of their valuables.”   “The little boy used deception to fool his parents, having them believe that he had a fever when he had actually dipped his thermometer into a cup of hot water.”  The most popular one to date is Da Vinci saying that “the greatest deception men have to suffer is from their own opinions.”  As for ‘Lies,’ some examples are quite simply put: “Open wide, it won’t hurt a bit;” “One size fits all;”  “and my favorite is “that looks so good on you.”

Imparting on the issues of lies and deception, using theory and practical inference gives a sense of ease in explaining the effects they have on relationships.  Practically, there are no relationships built on pure truth.  During the dating period, at least one party will lie to the other, twisting the truth and even withholding vital information to win over the other.  However, the lies are not so much about deception but more about self-preservation, avoiding insults and injury to one’s emotional being.  This form of deception may even increase intimacy and sometimes strengthen bonds.  In other instances, there are couples who have experienced deceit in acts of exploit and distortion.  One party with ulterior motives that is in opposition to love will go to extreme lengths in satisfying their own selfish needs.  Money is always the driving commodity that will derail a perfectly good relationship with no consideration for time invested, partner and the relationship.  It is customary for sociopaths to take advantage of their victims (partners); money and material wealth being the only incentive instead of love and affection.

The motives surrounding lies and deception in romantic relationships are quite often out of concern with aims of protection and security.  In social media and networking we see this in play when men/women open up themselves to infidelity.  On the one hand, partners will use basic lies such as denying their relationship status to gain the attention of new prospects or rekindling old flames.  People battle all kinds of inadequacies and social media is their little getaway from the pressures of life and their relationships.  On the other hand, telling the truth and being honest is not necessarily in one’s best interest so a partner’s use of deception will act like an investment.  Take for example one party coincidentally, came in contact with an ex, it is highly likely he/she is going to lie about the encounter with the other party.  Furthermore, if there is any suspicion of any communal activities then lies and deception will also follow to mask the truth so as to prevent mistrust and turmoil. 

The truth, however, can have some benefit if people would be more open and uninhibited.   Sharing information can be a rewarding experience but fostering a “what he/she doesn’t know won’t hurt” logic will undeniably place a strain on relationships thus leading to its ruin.  Telling people only what they want to hear or what you think they should hear have dire consequences.  The perception of dishonesty is very costly because it unearths trust issues.  People convince themselves that they can do whatever they want, when they want and get away with it without realizing the possibilities of others detecting their lies and deception.  Men more than often will find a female counterpart online while fbooking.  She will be so gullible and naïve that he scoops her up and engage in an illegitimate affair.  Unbeknownst to her, he is married with kids and has managed to keep all those facts hidden behind his lies and deception.  If she is across the country and it is a long distance thing, then he has all advantage in this union.  Not only would she not be able to get suspicious but she would have to be a private eye to uncover his secrets.  Let’s say she got pregnant and has his child, this man will lie till hell freezes over and work earnestly so his wife would not come close to uncover the truth.  Now this stud will feel so in control of the situation because “what his wife/girlfriend doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?”

He is in for a rude awakening when he realize that his girlfriend is pressuring him to move in together to raise their child.  This revelation comes with pressure and emotional stress that his sensitive wife would be able to detect and try to uncover what is wrong with her faithful husband.  Besides, it only takes the suspicion of one female to unravel his clever scheme.  And when they do…………………..”Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorned.”

This unsuspecting husband would have wished that he had shared all his issues, happiness, work, related wins and losses with his now former life- long partner.  It is now fair to say that lies and deception evoke negative emotional reactions that can be problematic when deception is uncovered.  Considering that divorce is a man’s worst nightmare, especially when children are involved; knowing that a woman’s world is in divorce court; and he also has an illegitimate child to deal with in child support court, THIS GUY’S GOOSE IS COOKED!