Playing by his rules

“Relationships are difficult but had no clue that it would have been this hard.”
  Too much ups & downs are indicative of what appears to be a roller coaster ride which oftentimes makes you wonder and ask yourself questions such as, “When will it all end?”  “I wanna get off.”  “What is it really  gonna take to make it work?”  “Is he really not that into me?”  “Are you in or are you out?”  The endless list can go on and on but the reality of it is to take that moment of realization very seriously and believe that this person you have invested your all and time in is just not for you.  The numerous breakups to makeups signal the inconsistencies, instability and fragility of your relationship.  It’s so easy to be a part of the construct of what seems like a revolving door: we sure do know how those works right, you go around and around and around.  It’s as if there is no forward movement; yeah, any linear movement here is going a few steps back but definitely no forward progression.

Life is about growth and so should the  set expectations and successful outcome of a relationship.  Being with someone past the 10 year mark is a lifetime for many and should be highly esteemed; your situation should not be right where you started without a speck of progress.  Don't you just hate the fact that they have proven their inability to deliver and meet your needs?  This is only an indication that it’s time for a reality check, some reevaluation and possibly calling it quits if you have forseen the demise of your relationship.  If someone wants to be a permanent fixture in your life, just being there to be there, feeding off the good times, and living with total disregards for you and your feelings, say no more, you are on a permanent date.

Despite the fact that they put a ring on it, the ring only signifies their security of having you around without having to deal with the fear of losing you.   It’s never about you because they have skillfully devise ways of blatantly walking out/ coming back into your life on their own terms without you even realizing it.  You don’t just need someone to be ‘there,’ their presence alone is not enough so don’t get too caught up with that notion.  Stand up and be the person to mean what you say and do what you say you go do; put an end to it, will ya’.  You would be surprised how much that’s needed but they will never be willing to do it.  Why would they? They live to ‘have their cake and eating it too.’

Men are like young kids; you have to follow through with what you say and do what you say go do.  Otherwise, they will keep pushing those buttons idly.  There is nothing worse than having him doing all the right things when you threaten to cut him loose.  It even gets worst when he sincerely asks “what would you like me to do?”  Or he says, “You know what, I can’t give you what you want.”  One thing is for sure when you hear these words, believe them.  This is the biggest insight into their eternal problem.  They have subconsciously admitted their issues with commitment and being irresponsible.

However, this is when we feel obliged to influence change so we stick around waiting and waiting.  Maybe I’m wrong but if this isn’t the most brilliant ploy yet, I don’t know what is.  Is it intentional or coincidental?  Having them around gives a sense of security but this feeling is only stalling your progress into moving forward and eventually leaving them.  And if you stuck around long enough, you will resort into thinking that “I have put in too many years to walk away now.”  Besides, “I love the kids too much break this all apart.”   

Sadly, your efforts of being the supportive, committed partner, standing by your man, encouraging him to change and stringed along by a false of hope, you are in for a rude awakening.  All this selfless acts of love will be used against ya because in his mind, you have accepted his requisites of what he (not y’all) thinks his relationship should be.  In other words, you have literally endorsed his selfish, uncommitted relationship that is pretty much not going anywhere.  In addition, they now have you in the confines of keeping you at bay while they make a decision if they really want to be with you, after they have exhausted all their other options that is. 

Almost like having a fallback chick at his disposal or convenience.  There is also a push and pull effect while he blows hot and cold to sustain your so-called need for his ‘nothingness.’ Was that even a word in the vocabulary?  In any case, anticipating a brief exit, he will blow hot to keep you then when he actually leaves; he blows cold, leaving only to recover from a warped sense of confusion.  By the time he is back, you start blaming yourself thinking that you had done something to onset this disruption thus ignoring the biggest red flag of all.

Saying this to say that, if you feel like this is familiar territory, chances are, it is.  Life can be equally shared with the right people who have similar goals and expectations.  When two committed people work together in love with mutual respect, the opportunities are endless but nothing comes easily without hard work.  Hard work it is, it should never be about hard times.