Saving Private "Phallus"

I was reading a chain email the other day about “The Other Woman,” which highlighted some interesting facts regarding the roles of a wife vs the other woman.  Then coincidentally I came across a newspaper article describing the dispositions between “Wifey” and “Matey.”  For those who are not familiar with the term “Matey,” it is the popular title given to the other woman.  Some women wear it proudly while others discreetly take on the role.  Having been enriched with the status quo of what it means to be a wife as oppose to being a matey (woman on the side); I was compelled to give a discourse and tackle the issues leading up to the extramarital affair. 

Ladies, ladies, ladies, why are we always in such a rush to open up our legs as oppose to our hearts and arms to an emotional brother that is not only unavailable but also being a d#@k about it?  It is no coincidence that he chose you; you the single gyal or single mother to be his shoulder to cry on.   He voluntarily shares everything with you from the last time he had sex with his wife  to how unhappy his life has become.  As if you didn’t know any better, his whole life with his number “One” woman appears to be a tragedy.  There is so much sadness coming from this brother that you feel the need to carry out a rescue mission. 

Being the selfless person that you are, you have put no thought to wifey’s position or being nowhere close to the truth of the matter.  Every encounter with him whether directly or indirectly, you cease the moment to console a brother in distress.  There is no ignoring his phone calls all day long or his Whats App messages trying to tug on your heart strings as if it’s a harp.  Everyone around you but you can hear the notes of his song while he plays you along.  But have you ever thought of turning the volume down a bit or better yet power off the tune?

Besides the fact that he chose the number one lady in his life, who bore and bred his precious children, his confidant, financial advisor, best friend, partner in every sense of what he is and does for his family; it is no surprise that a breakdown somewhere in his relationship would have led him right to you.  Are you a marriage counselor? His therapist? Or just a Go-to person?  When a man start being open and honest with you, he will have no problem sharing his shortcomings, failures and unfulfilling personal desires. 

Not the way he feels about someone else such as his partner and how his needs are not been met.  That’s the net to trap you.  Such an easy catch; almost an effortless one at that.  A man expressing his undying sexual desires not being met by his counterpart means his sublimally extending an invitation to you.  While you are distracted by his charm and hopeless plea to save him from himself (not his partner), he is busy entertaining the idea of keeping you hostage to his situation.  This same ole trick gets the best of the best and disappointedly works every time. 

Nothing in this life is constant, especially relationships covered under the covenant of marriage.  There is a change in the tide (ebbs & flows) with every passing situation.  We keep forgetting that Love is a choice and it’s not going to elope on its own.  We allow that feeling to make someone feel special that we care about to be our guide with hopes of it being reciprocated.  It’s also normal for our affections to change along with our inner struggles, therefore, when things are not in our favor, we should not be encouraged to let our issues affect our partners, our relationships, as well as others from the outside looking in.

When does a man’s situation or his problems become yours to bear?  You care so much that you think that he needs to be saved?  We are all highly capable individuals to make a conscious effort in saving our own asses when we feel threatened or the need arises.  Saving Private “Phallus” will not earn you first place, being # 1 or a badge for that matter.  Any saving that needs to be done is saving yo’self for the brother who will be deserving, respectful, and honored to have you as his #1 Girl.