"Can't give up on ya Man because you are all he got"

I must confess that my thoughts of men were once set on irrefutable premise of despair.  In other words, I have ‘given up’ on them on all grounds of having any hope at all. 



Being married to one who also fathered my beautiful children have no doubt forced me to deal with many challenges; all of which I now realized was due to a few misunderstandings.  Did I just admit to all the confusion that exists in relationships and how they help to shape how we all see/deal with each other?  What are the possible misconstructs that we build our friendships and marriages on?  What can we do as females, mothers, wives to bridge the gap? 

 Can we achieve the fullness and completeness that we all seek without compromising self?  After going through my ongoing transformation, I have identified some key pointers and eye openers that allow me to better cope with all my shortcomings and preserving a new found sense of hope.

Well for starters females have not quite developed an understanding of their men, me included.  We are emotionally wired creatures who sometimes wear all our emotions on our sleeves with ease but for our male counterpart, we have to expect quite the opposite because they are naturally born ‘thinkers.’  We feel, they think; is it a coincidence why they are the intended leaders while we are the heart of the home?  Let’s take a closer look on our daily interactions.  Ask a guy how he’s feeling and pay close attention to his response.  Besides it being short and to the point, doesn’t it sometimes sendoff light bulbs in your head?  I can recall getting a quick, to the point, no sense of emotion response that just sound so scripted it shattered the suspicious meter in my head.  Baffling my leery thoughts with a hint of doubt will somersault a very casual convo into a full blown cyclonic argument.  I am not implying the diarrhea of the mouth kind of argument but just to create a mental pic of the misinterpretations that exist between men and women in their communication.

This is also another reason why men don’t like to argue.  It’s not about winning or losing, who can throw the most insulting blows or who is right or wrong but they are all about logic.  Ever tried to start an argument with your guy about an obvious issue but his reaction is like WTF are you talking about?   Almost as if there is an instant language barrier?  In most instances, he is not trying to avoid the matter but he just has a difficult time processing your feelings and reaction and possibly thinking about what reaction he should unleash out of the bag.  He is all about controlling his emotions and creating equilibrium to balance his thoughts.  They are well aware that their feelings and thoughts can easily turn into anger and rage so the only ‘logical’ thing to do is to sometimes ignore you.  Ignore, now that’s the worst response in the book because females always ‘feel’ the need to address certain issues by expression at will and if she gets an undesired response, all hell will break loose. 

We also need to realize that our men are ‘wired’ not ‘weird;’ just because we can’t fully understand their disposition doesn’t make them a misfit.  Don’t you think that they know there is something different about them?  They are aware that there is something wrong with the way they grow and develop to maturity and it should be ok, I would think.  Can we all fix something that we don’t fully understand or can we change someone?  I have learnt first-hand that there is no changing a man; they seek their sexual identity and maturity through numerous sex partners, which they refer to as exploration; they will even run like a fugitive from overwhelming responsibilities if they can’t figure a way out; they will constantly seek validation and the approval from their peers even it means losing the person they love, and regretting it later; and last but certainly not the least, they secure that tough exterior to the point where their hollow insides collapse beyond disbelief.  Identifying the differences between men and women should not be a matter of who does it better, who is right or wrong; the attention should be focused on acknowledging who we are as females and how much we need to admit our differences to the opposite sex.

We need to relieve our men of all the burdens of society that places too much encumbrance on their shoulders.  We need to treat them like a complement, not like a supplement.  We need to try to clear the air for them so they are not forced to ‘feel’ their way in relationships.  We can also try to change the way we see them interchangeably with the ideals of their leadership role.  They are not and will never be our equal so us females need to stop conforming to ideas that defy this model.  Everyone has an assign role and duties to perform which is in perfect alignment.  We can no longer continue to emasculate our men by telling ourselves that they are not needed; having no significant purpose but to breed; and overly feminizing our baby boys who will be highly sensitive and soft spoken adult males.  The downside of this chauvinistic behavior is only pushing our men away and out of line with their purpose………to be continued